Coffee Quotes 

Famous and funny coffee quotes: 

funny coffee quotes

Coffee, which makes the politicians wise,

And see through all things with his half-shut eyes.

~Alexander Pope

Black as the devil, Hot as hell,

Pure as an angel, Sweet as love.

~Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Perigord

Decaf is like masturbating with an oven mitt!

~Robin Williams

I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

~Eddie Izzard

There's nothing sweeter than a cup of bitter coffee.

~Rian Aditia

Coffee is good for talent, but genius wants prayer.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Way too much coffee. But if it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

~David Letterman

No coffee can be good in the mouth that does not first send a sweet offering of odor to the nostrils.

~Henry Ward Beecher

I think we all pray to the first cup of the day. It's a silent prayer, sung while the mind is still foggy and blue. "O Magic Cup," it might go, "carry me above the traffic jam. Keep me civil in the subway. And forgive my employer, as you forgive me. Amen

~Stewart Lee Allen

I believe humans get a lot done, not because we're smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee.

~Flash Rosenberg

He was my cream, and I was his coffee -

And when you poured us together, it was something.

~Josephine Baker

I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.

~Ronald Reagan

Only one thing is certain about coffee.... Wherever it is grown, sold, brewed, and consumed, there will be lively controversy, strong opinions, and good conversation.

~Mark Pendergrast

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.

~T.S. Eliot

I like my coffee strong, not lethal!


Coffee makes us severe, and grave, and philosophical.

~Jonathan Swift

The voodoo priest and all his powders were as nothing compared to espresso, cappuccino, and mocha, which are stronger than all the religions of the world combined, and perhaps stronger than the human soul itself.

~Mark Helprin

Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee.

~Stephanie Piro

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

~Paul Erdos

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.

~Alex Levine

Drinking coffee is kinda my major hobby... the great benefit of being an actor is you have all this spare time. My ideal is just hanging out with people - I think I am innately lazy.

~Craig Parker

I'll quit coffee. It won't be easy drinking my Bailey's straight, but I'll get used to it. It'll still be the best part of waking up.

~From the television show Will and Grace

Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.

~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

I think if I were a woman I'd wear coffee as a perfume.

~John Van Druten

Ah! How sweet coffee tastes! Lovelier than a thousand kisses, sweeter far than muscatel wine!

~"Coffee Cantata", J.S. Bach

In a sad world, and especially in a country like ours, recently and constitutionally deprived of wine ... the function of coffee in bringing serene delight is an important one.

~ Boston Transcript

There is no such thing as sleep deprivation, there is only caffeine deficiency.

~ Richard Simmons

If you want to improve your understanding, drink coffee; it is the intelligent beverage.

~ Sydney Smith

Coffee is the common man's gold, and like gold, it brings to every person the feeling of luxury and nobility.

~Sheik Abd-al-Kadir

Last comes the beverage of the Orient shore,

Mocha, far off, the fragrant berries bore.

Taste the dark fluid with a dainty lip,

Digestion waits on pleasure as you sip.

~ Pope Leo XII

Experts now generally agree that there is no consistent scientific evidence to prove coffee is detrimental to your health ... A recent study at the University of California at Davis even suggests that coffee may be good for you.

~ Denise Webb

Ah, that is a perfume in which I delight; when they roast coffee near my house, I hasten to open the door to take in all the aroma.

~ Jean Jacques Rousseau

Coffee is real good when you drink it it gives you time to think. It's a lot more than just a drink; it's something happening. Not as in hip, but like an event, a place to be, but not like a location, but like somewhere within yourself. It gives you time, but not actual hours or minutes, but a chance to be, like be yourself, and have a second cup.

~Gertrude Stein

I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee.

~ Harry Mahtar

Good coffee is like friendship: rich and warm and strong.

~Pan-American Coffee Bureau

Coffee - the drink that comforted the brain and heart and helpeth digestion.

~Sir Francis Bacon

I would rather suffer with coffee than be senseless.

~Napoleon Bonaparte

Coffee is balm to the heart and spirit.

~ Giuseppe Verdi

Without my morning coffee I'm just like a dried up piece of roast goat.

~Johann Sebastian Bach

Coffee: we can get it anywhere, and get as loaded as we like on it, until such teeth-chattering, eye-bulging, nonsense-gibbering time as we may be classified unable to operate heavy machinery.

~Joan Frank

The discovery of coffee has enlarged the realm of illusion and given more promise to hope.

~Isidore Bourdon

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