|This truck has been in 15 accidents…and hasn’t lost one yet.
Heavily medicated for your safety.
Hello, officer. Put it on my tab.
Help! I Farted and can’t roll down my windows
They keep saying the right person will come along; I think a truck hit mine.
This vehicle insured by Smith and Wesson.
Unless You’re A Hemorrhoid, STAY OFF MY ASS!
Unlike online, in reality, you can’t hit the back button.
Vegetarian: Indian word for BAD HUNTER!
Is it time for your medication or mine?
0-60 in 15 minutes!
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
I may be slow but I’m ahead of you!
love animals, they taste great.
EARTH FIRST! We’ll strip-mine the other planets later.
I am not a bum. My wife works!
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
I’m looking for the right pedestrian to run over.
I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG it Happened.
All stressed out and nobody to choke!
All those who believe in psycho kinesis raise my hand.
He who laughs last thinks slowest!
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
The buck doesn’t even slow down here.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
The Earth Is Full – Go Home
I’m a nice guy. My car is evil.
I’m in no hurry. I’m on my way to work.
100,000 Sperm And You Were The Fastest?
You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
Don’t get me mad! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies!
You are depriving some poor village of its idiot!
3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can’t.
Eternity: Smoking or Non-Smoking?
I wasn’t born a bitch; men like you made me that way.
Don’t follow me. I’m lost too
I love to give homemade gifts, which one of my kids do you want
They didn’t let me out, they just gave me a day pass!
Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom
Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done
Too many freaks not enough circuses
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Be nice to your kids…They will pick out your nursing home.
Always remember you’re unique…Just like everyone else.
I have a nice body. It’s in my trunk.
I have good Brakes, Do you have GOOD Insurance?
I Haven’t Lost My Mind, It’s Backed Up On Disk Somewhere.
I is a college student.
I just let my mind wander, and it didn’t come back
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Grow your own dope, plant a man.
All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
I respect your opinion. Just don’t want to hear it!
According to my best recollection, I don’t remember.
According to my calculations, the problem doesn’t exist.
Adrenalin is my drug of choice.
If everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane!
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I won’t rise to the occasion, but I’ll slide over to it.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
Okay, who put a “stop payment” on my reality check?
Low riders are for little boys who can’t get it up.
Saw it, wanted it, threw a fit, Got It!!
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done
Want to get laid? Crawl up a chicken’s ass and wait!
Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young
We’re not old people we’re recycled teenagers!
If you can read this, I’ve lost my trailer.
Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
If you don’t like my attitude, stop looking at my Stickers!
Invest in America. Buy a Congressman!
It’s time to pull over and change the air in your head!
It sucks to be a man in a lesbians body.
If you’re rich, I’m single!
IF THIS STICKER IS GETTING SMALLER, THE LIGHT IS PROBABLY GREEN
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
All my drinking buddies have a racing problem.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
AMERICA-Love It Or Leave It!
So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
All men are idiots….I married their king.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
Adults are just kids who owe money.
Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
Don’t force it, get a larger hammer.
Ass, gas or grass, nobody rides for free.
Earn cash in your spare time…blackmail friends.
Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them used to reality.
You! Off my planet!
-Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
I majored in liberal arts. Would you like fries with that?
I.R.S.: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got!
Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.
Out of my mind…Back in five minutes.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth!
Watch out for the idiot behind me!
Moooooove, I’m trying to speed!
Buckle up… it makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car
I break for……………………OH SHIT NO BRAKES
BARBIE AIN’T HERE!.
BEER, Helping people have sex since 1865.
There are 2 types of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.
Learn from your parent’s mistakes use birth control
It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Don’t drink and drive…You might hit a bump and spill it.
I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert….
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after.
I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
I’m just driving this way to get you mad.
Keep honking, I’m reloading.
Hang up and drive.
Guns don’t kill people, postal workers do.
Caution: I drive like you do!
Strangers have the best candy
Save the Earth, it’s the only planet with Chocolate
As a matter of fact, I do own the road.
Back off! I’m not that kind of car.
No, I don’t have PMS. I just really hate you.
My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it’s gone
I didn’t ask to be a princess but if the crown fits…
I’m a cruel and heartless bitch but I’m damn good at it
I brake for scholars, priests, and no apparent reason
Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go
Condoms are easier to change than diapers!
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
When I married ‘Mr. Right,’ I didn’t know his first name was ‘always.’
When i want your opinion i’ll beat it out of you.
History does not repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
You have the right to remain silent….Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
You are right where you belong, behind me!
WARNING: mental backup in progress.
Was today really necessary?
WATCH OUT! COMING THROUGH!
Why do they call it a bumper if your not going to use it?
WHEN GOD MADE MAN, SHE WAS ONLY JOKING.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Shit creek Survivor.
CAUTION: This car will be left behind during rapture.
I’m not stubborn, my ways just better.
Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.
I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.
If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
It’s not hard to meet expenses, they’re everywhere.
Reality is the only obstacle to happiness.
The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.
Blondes Tease….Brunettes Please….
Blow your nose, your horn works fine.
Can’t Feed ‘Em! Don’t Breed Em’!
Careful, I’m not wearing clean underwear!