Best Funny T-Shirt Sayings Ever: I do what the rice crispies tell me. how can i soar like an eagle when I’m surrounded by turkeys If a man is in the forest and no woman is around to hear him speak, is he still wrong? Spooning leads to forking.! Raising teenagers is like trying to […]
Category Archives: Funny Sayings
Funny Sayings, Quotes and Expressions
Find a huge collection of funny sayings and funny quotes on a number of different topics including some of the funniest sayings of all time.
Funny Bumper Sticker Sayings
Keep honking…I’m reloading.
If You Can Read This, I’ve Lost My Trailer.
Cover Me – I’m Changing Lanes.
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Funny Fortune Cookie Sayings and Expressions
You can always find happiness at work on Friday.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
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Funny Redneck Sayings and Expressions
She’s so clumsy she could trip over a cordless phone!
You look about as happy as a tick on a fat dog.
He’s busier than a one-legged man at a butt kickin’ contest.
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Funny Pirate Sayings and Quotes
Pirates do not cry, except in the case of the loss of a shipload of rum.
No pirate shall discuss his feelings, unless his feelings include gutting a man from stem to stern and spilling his entrails.
Pirate Law: Dousing oneself in beer is a perfectly acceptable replacement for a shower.
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Funny T-Shirt Sayings and Expressions
I’m in shape… Round is a shape.
Irish I were drunk.
SEX…do it for the kids.
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Funny Movie Sayings and Quotes
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain’t never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha.”
My husband and I fell in love at first sight… maybe I should have taken a second look.
~ Crimes and Misdemeanors
There’s no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you’ll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
Funniest Sayings of All Time
When shooting a mime, don’t use a silencer or his friends will hear you.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
USA Today has come out with a new survey. Apparently three out of every four people make up 75 percent of the population.
~ Dave Letterman
Funny Hillbilly Sayings and Expressions
Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.
You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, assuming you want to catch flies.
Im fit’n to shut the lights off yall.
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Funny Life Quotes and Sayings
Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.
~ Carl Sandburg
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
Life is not a static thing. The only people who do not change their minds are incompetents in asylums, and those in cemeteries.
~Everett McKinley Dirksen
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Funny Retirement Quotes and Sayings
When you retire, you switch bosses – from the one who hired you to the one who married you.
He who laughs last at the boss’s jokes probably isn’t far from retirement.
Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.
~ Jonathan Clements
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In the mood for a little more funny? Check out funnyfix.com for more funny sayings and short funny jokes, plus funny riddles and brainteasers.
I hope you have enjoyed this collection of funny sayings. If you have a funny saying you would like to share with us please do so below.
by Lennie (TN. ) It’s just a way of speaking that you don’t think about, but the vowels are emphasized such as v aaaaaaaaaaaan, which is of course van or maaaaaaaaan, etc. Different southern states have their own accents. When I lived in a little town 100 miles from Memphis–moved to Memphis–the people there made […]
50 + Funny Retirement Quotes: The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. ~ unknown Author The worst thing about retirement is having to drink coffee on your own time. ~ Unknown Author Retirement is waking up in the morning with nothing to do and by bedtime having done […]
35 Funny tombstone sayings: Sir John Strange; Here lies an honest lawyer, And that is Strange. ~ Tombstone in England I was somebody. Who, is no business Of yours. ~Vermont tombstone Here lies Lester Moore; Four slugs from a .44; No Les No More. ~ Tombstone Arizona John Brown is filling his last cavity. ~Dentist’s […]
This truck has been in 15 accidents…and hasn’t lost one yet. Heavily medicated for your safety. Hello, officer. Put it on my tab. Help! I Farted and can’t roll down my windows They keep saying the right person will come along; I think a truck hit mine. This vehicle insured by Smith and Wesson. Unless […]
You gotta love livin’, baby, ’cause dyin’ is a pain in the ass. ~Frank SinatraEverything has been figured out, except how to live. ~ Jean-Paul SartreLife is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. ~Tom Lehrer Life is not a static thing. The only people who […]
Right here, you’ll find a big O list of hillbilly sayings and slang: iza gonna go get me sompim i beback My tongue twisted around my eye teeth and I couldn’t see what I was saying! Not worth a hoot and a holler! Slicker than snot on a glass doorknob. Shit fire and save the […]
Tickle your funny bone with these funny Christmas Quotes and Sayings. The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband. ~Joan Rivers Our children await Christmas presents like politicians getting in election returns: there’s the Uncle Fred precinct and the Aunt Ruth district still to come in. […]
He who throws dirt is losing ground. You can always find happiness at work on Friday. Let’s just say that the cookie is going to be the better part of the “fortune cookie. Do not mistake temptation for opportunity. Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day. A woman who seeks to be equal […]
Funny Pirate Sayings and Common Pirate Words: Here are a handful of the most common pirate words and there meanings you should know before reading the pirate phrases and pirate quotes below.Ahoy – Hello! Avast – Stop and give attention. Aye – Why yes, I agree Aye aye – ll get right on that sir […]