Funny Tombstone Sayings and Epitaphs

35 Funny tombstone sayings:

Sir John Strange; Here lies an honest lawyer, And that is Strange.
~ Tombstone in England

I was somebody. Who, is no business Of yours.
~Vermont tombstone

Here lies Lester Moore; Four slugs from a .44; No Les No More.
~ Tombstone Arizona

John Brown is filling his last cavity.
~Dentist’s Tombstone

He was young
He was fair
But the Injuns
Raised his hair
~Arizona Tombstone

I told you that I was sick!
~Georgia CemetaryHere lies the body of Jonathan Blake; Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.
~ Pennsylvania Tombstone

Bill Blake
Was hanged by mistake.
~Colorado Tombstone

Remember man, as you walk by, As you are now, so once was I, As I am now, so shall you be, Remember this and follow me.
~Tombstone in England

To follow you I’ll not consent, Until I know which way you went.
~Written on the tombstone in reply to one above

Here lays Butch.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.
~Arizona Tombstone

The children of Israel wanted bread, And the Lord sent them manna, Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna.
~England Tombstone

Under the sod and under the trees, Lies the body of Jonathan Pease. He is not here, there’s only the pod; Pease shelled out and went to God.
~Massachusetts Tombstone

Here lies the body of Arkansas Jim.
We made the mistake, But the joke’s on him.
~Kansas Tombstone

Gone away, Owin’ more
than he could pay.
~ England

To save your world you asked this man to die:
Would this man, could he see you now, ask why?
~Unknown Soldier

She always said her feet were killing her, but nobody believed her.
~Virginia tombstone

Here lies the body of
Thomas Kemp.
Who lived by wool
and died by hemp.
~Irland Tombstone

For God And His Country He Raised Our Flag In Battle And Showed A Measure Of His Pride At A Place Called “Iwo Jima” Where Courage Never Died
~A soldiers memorial

Here lies the body
Of Margaret Bent
She kicked up her heels
And away she went
~England Tombstone

If I should die, think only this of me:
That there’s some corner of a foreign
field that is for ever England
~Tombstone in England

He got a fish-bone in his throat
and then he sang an angel note.
~New York Tombstone

Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
~Unknown Tombstone

Captain Thomas Coffin
Died 1842, age 50 years.
He’s done a-catching cod
And gone to meet his God.
~A fisherman’s tombstone

Mary Weary, Housewife
Dere Friends I am going
Where washing ain’t done
Or cooking or sewing:
Don’t mourn for me now
Or weep for me never:
For I go to do nothing
Forever and ever!
~House wife tombstone

Here lies the father of 29.
He would have had more
But he didn’t have time.
~Georga Tombstone

Here lies Johnny Yeast
Pardon me For not rising.
~New Mexico tombstone

Here beneath this stone we lie
Back to back my wife and I
And when the angels trump shall trill
If she gets up then I’ll lie still!
~Scotland Tombstone

Here lies
an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.
~Maryland Tombstone

Beneath this stone a lump of clay
Lies Uncle Peter Dan’els
Who early in the month of May
Took off his winter flannels.
~Scotland Tombstone

Reader, I’ve left this world, in which
I had a world to do;
Sweating and fretting to get rich:
Just such a fool as you.
~Carolina Tombstone

Once I wasn’t
Then I was
Now I ain’t again.
~Ohio Tombstone

Ope’d my eyes, took a peep;
Didn’t like it, went to sleep.
It is so soon that I am done for
I wonder what I was begun for.
~Wisconsin TombstoneI came into this world
Without my consent
And left in the same manner.
~Tennessee Tombstone

~Unknown Tombstone

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