Funny T-shirt Sayings, Quotes and Slogans

Best Funny T-Shirt Sayings Ever:

I do what the rice crispies tell me.

how can i soar like an eagle when I’m surrounded by turkeys

If a man is in the forest and no woman is around to hear him speak, is he still wrong?

Spooning leads to forking.!

Raising teenagers is like trying to nail jello to a tree

Huked On Fonix Dun Guud 4 Me

Talk nerdy to me

I’m sorry My fault I forgot you were an idiot.

I Love Children, they taste like chicken

These Are My Dress Clothes

I Don’t Know Karate But I Do Know Krazy And I Am Not Afraid To Use It

Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.

I’m not afraid of you I have a 2 year old

BEER It’s not just for breakfast anymore.

I(nternal) R(evenue) S(ervice) We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.

Out of my mind… Back in five minutes.


I wear the brains in the family.

Hard work has a future payoff Laziness pays off now.

Sarcasm is Only One Of The Services I Offer

Where there’s a will… I want to be in it.

No sense in being pessimistic It wouldn’t work anyway!

Jesus love you but I’m his favorite

I Don’t Know What Makes You So Dumb, But It Really Works

“My Bad!” -Eve

He Who Laughs Last Thinks Slowest

Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable – like a coma

My time machine broke down two weeks from tomorrow, the mechanic says it’ll be fixed by last Wednesday!

You have a serious case of cranial rectal syndrome

I Want What I Want

You never see a motorcycle at a psychiatrics office.

Smile and the world smiles with you….F a r t and you stand alone.

I work for the F.B.I.(Female Body Inspectors)

When I’m good, I’m very good. But when I’m bad I’m better.

4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions.

Of course I trust you! I’m blonde.

Life is to short to dance with ugly boys

Jesus loves you, everyone else thinks your a weirdo.

A synonym is a word you use if you can’t spell the other one.

He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.

Nobody is perfect, I am nobody therefore I am perfect.

I’m really enjoying not talking to you, so let’s not talk again real soon, okay?

I’m not cynical. Just experienced.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN….Cops have nothing to go on.

never ever play leapfrog with a unicorn.

f… off I have enough friends

Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together

Just Because I Don’t Care Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Understand

There should be A Special Prison for Stupid People

Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.

I Do What The Voices In My Wife’s Head Tell Me To Do

You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.

There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.

People like you are the reason people like me need medication.

I called your boyfriend gay, he hit me with his purse!!

My friends and i will be the old ladies causing trouble in the nursing home!!

God is clever, but not dishonest.

Between thought and expression lies a lifetime.

Oh crap! You’re going to try and cheer me up, aren’t you?

Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?

Was today really necessary?

‘I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts — Do You Want Fries With That?”

Do not disturb I’m disturbed enough already.

Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them!

I live in my own little world. It’s okay! They know me here.

The original point and click interface was a Smith &Wesson.;

I’m not getting smaller I’m backing away from you.

Did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfast?

I don’t know what makes you dumb But it really works.

Rehab Is for Quitters

I’m out of estrogen and I’ve got a gun….any questions?

My husband and I divorced over religious differences – He thought he was God.

You suck and that’s sad.

I was born intelligent – education ruined me.

Remember my name….you’ll be screaming it later

KEEP READING… even more funny T-Shirt Sayings Below

My Mind is like lightning, one flash and its gone.

Screw me if I am wrong, but have we met?

If life gives you lemons, squeeze them into somebody’s eyes and run!

I’m not short, I’m fun size

I Think Therefore I Am Single

I’m a virgin but this is an old t-shirt.

Morally Bankrupt…but still spending!

If life gives you MELONS, then you may be dyslexic

Strangers have the best candy

I’m Out Of My Mind Feel Free To Leave A Message

My Anger Management Class Pisses Me Off

Dont follow my footsteps i walk into walls.

My silence is my sound…

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

You can’t have everything….where would you put it?

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

I don’t beg I negotiate

Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say

I’d do me

I kissed a redneck and I liked it

I’m not a doctor, but ill take a look

I’m Hungary for Turkey

I do all my own stunts

If I Agreed With You We’d Both Be Wrong

Mess With Me You Mess With The Whole Trailer Park

Resist Peer Pressure, All The Cool Kids Are Doing It

I pooped today

Fight Crime, Shoot Back

Clowns taste funny

I’m not ADD, oh, look a bunny rabbit

If I throw a stick will you leave?

I suffer from CRS (cant remember shit)

Objects under this shirt are larger than they appear

On the rebound. You’ll do

Almost single

Doesn’t play well with others

Don’t annoy the crazy person

Don’t make me call out the flying monkeys

Your boyfriend thinks I’m hot

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