Funny Life Quotes, Sayings and Expressions

funny life quotes

75 Funny Life Quotes and Sayings:

You gotta love livin', baby, 'cause dyin' is a pain in the ass.
~Frank Sinatra

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
~ Jean-Paul Sartre

Life is like a sewer... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
~Tom Lehrer

Life is not a static thing. The only people who do not change their minds are incompetents in asylums, and those in cemeteries.
~Everett McKinley Dirksen

Life is simple, its just not easy.
~Unknown Author

An autobiography is the story of how a man thinks he lived.
Herbert Samuel

Life's more amusing than we thought. 
~ Andrew Lang

In the game of life, it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season. 
~ Bill Vaughan

Life is a foreign language: all men mispronounce it.
~Christopher Morley

Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing for most of us that it is not.
~Oscar Wilde

No matter how bad things get, you got to go on living, even if it kills you. 
~ Shalom Aleichem

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

~Mark Twain

There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them. 
~ Lawrence Welk

Life is like a game of poker: If you don't put any in the pot, there won't be any to take out. 
~ Moms Mabley

Life is just one damned thing after another.
~Elbert Hubbard

It's possible, you can never know, that the universe exists only for me. If so, it's sure going well for me, I must admit. 
~ Bill Gates

A man should control his life. Mine is controlling me. 
~ Rudolph Valentino

Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told, "I am with you kid Let's go! 
~Maya Angelou

Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you’re alive, it isn’t.
~Unknown Author

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you're still a rat. 
~ Lilly Tomlin

All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
~Erma Bombeck

funny life sayings

What a wonderful life I''ve had! I only wish I''d realized it sooner.

~Unknown Author

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
~ Will Rogers

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
~Unknown Author

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
~Unknown Author

Life is wasted on the living.
~ Douglas Adams

Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.
~Carl Sandburg

Life is just a phase you're going through...you'll get over it.
~Unknown Author

Live life to the fullest... think of all the people on the Titanic who passed up chocolate dessert.
~Unknown Author

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
~ Oscar Wilde

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
~ Mark Twain

Born to be wild - live to outgrow it.
~ Lao Tzu

life quotes

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.
~John Barrymore

I came into this world black, naked and ugly. And no matter how much I accumulate here, it's a short journey. I will go out of this world black, naked and ugly. So I enjoy life.
~ Jay Hawkins

Life is a glitch in the universal program
~Unknown Author

To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error.
~Janet Coleman

Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.
~ Douglas Adams

I look at life as a gift of God. Now that he wants it back I have no right to complain.
~Joyce Cary

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
~ Woody Allen

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
~George Carlin

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
~ Woody Allen

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER."
~ William S. Burroughs

Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea and sink.
Shunryu Suzuki Roshi

My advice to those who are about to begin, in earnest, the journey of life, is to take their heart in one hand and a club in the other.
~Josh Billings

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
~ Paul Beatty

Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
~Fran Lebowitz

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.
~Joey Adams

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
~Woody Allen

All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
~ Sean O'Casey

For most men life is a search for the proper manila envelope in which to get themselves filed.
~ Clifton Fadiman

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
~ Brendan Gill

Were it offered to my choice, I should have no objection to a repetition of the same life from its beginning, only asking the advantages authors have in a second edition to correct some faults in the first.
~ Benjamin Franklin

We should live our lives as though Christ were coming this afternoon.
~Jimmy Carter

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
~Woody Allen

I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer
~Jim Carrey

Life is so unlike theory.
~ Anthony Trollope


Life is like eating artichokes, you have got to go through so much to get so little.
~ Thomas Aloysius Dorgan

There must be more to life than having everything.
~ Maurice Sendak

Life is painful, nasty and short... in my case it has only been painful and nasty.
~ Djuna Barnes

I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it.
~Charles Schulz

life sayings

Life is like a cobweb, not an organization chart.
~ Ross Perot

Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
~ Samuel Butler

Life is an incurable disease.
~Abraham Crowley

Life is a horizontal fall.
~ Jean Cocteau

You fall out of your mother's womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave
~Quentin Crisp

In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular.
~ Kathleen Norris

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
~ Woody Allen

Life is a zoo in a jungle.
~ Peter De Vries

Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim
~ Bertrand Russell

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it
~Jack Handey

Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.
~ Truman Capote

Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination.
~ Christopher Isherwood


The cost of living's going up, and the chance of livin's going down. 
~ Flip Wilson

Life is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are messed up.
~Unknown Author

My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?
~Charles Schulz

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