75 Funny Life Quotes and Sayings:
You gotta love livin', baby, 'cause dyin' is a pain in the ass.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
~ Jean-Paul Sartre
Life is like a sewer... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
Life is not a static thing. The only people who do not change their minds are incompetents in asylums, and those in cemeteries.
~Everett McKinley Dirksen
Life is simple, its just not easy.
An autobiography is the story of how a man thinks he lived.
Life's more amusing than we thought.
~ Andrew Lang
In the game of life, it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season.
~ Bill Vaughan
Life is a foreign language: all men mispronounce it.
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing for most of us that it is not.
No matter how bad things get, you got to go on living, even if it kills you.
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them.
Life is like a game of poker: If you don't put any in the pot, there won't be any to take out.
Life is just one damned thing after another.
It's possible, you can never know, that the universe exists only for me. If so, it's sure going well for me, I must admit.
A man should control his life. Mine is controlling me.
Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told, "I am with you kid Let's go!
Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you’re alive, it isn’t.
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you're still a rat.
~ Lilly Tomlin
All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
What a wonderful life I''ve had! I only wish I''d realized it sooner.
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
~ Will Rogers
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Life is wasted on the living.
~ Douglas Adams
Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.
Life is just a phase you're going through...you'll get over it.
Live life to the fullest... think of all the people on the Titanic who passed up chocolate dessert.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
~ Oscar Wilde
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
~ Mark Twain
Born to be wild - live to outgrow it.
~ Lao Tzu
The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.
I came into this world black, naked and ugly. And no matter how much I accumulate here, it's a short journey. I will go out of this world black, naked and ugly. So I enjoy life.
~ Jay Hawkins
Life is a glitch in the universal program
To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error.
Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.
~ Douglas Adams
I look at life as a gift of God. Now that he wants it back I have no right to complain.
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
~ Woody Allen
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
~ Woody Allen
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER."
~ William S. Burroughs
Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea and sink.
Shunryu Suzuki Roshi
My advice to those who are about to begin, in earnest, the journey of life, is to take their heart in one hand and a club in the other.
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
~ Paul Beatty
Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
~ Sean O'Casey
For most men life is a search for the proper manila envelope in which to get themselves filed.
~ Clifton Fadiman
Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
~ Brendan Gill
Were it offered to my choice, I should have no objection to a repetition of the same life from its beginning, only asking the advantages authors have in a second edition to correct some faults in the first.
~ Benjamin Franklin
We should live our lives as though Christ were coming this afternoon.
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer
Life is so unlike theory.
~ Anthony Trollope
Life is like eating artichokes, you have got to go through so much to get so little.
~ Thomas Aloysius Dorgan
There must be more to life than having everything.
~ Maurice Sendak
Life is painful, nasty and short... in my case it has only been painful and nasty.
~ Djuna Barnes
I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it.
Life is like a cobweb, not an organization chart.
~ Ross Perot
Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
~ Samuel Butler
Life is an incurable disease.
Life is a horizontal fall.
~ Jean Cocteau
You fall out of your mother's womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave
In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular.
~ Kathleen Norris
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
~ Woody Allen
Life is a zoo in a jungle.
~ Peter De Vries
Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim
~ Bertrand Russell
I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it
Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.
~ Truman Capote
Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination.
~ Christopher Isherwood
The cost of living's going up, and the chance of livin's going down.
Life is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are messed up.
My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?
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