Funny Birthday Sayings, Quotes, and Expressions

Don’t think of yourself as getting older.

You are, of course, but it’s best not to think about it! Happy Birthday!
~Unknown Author

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
~Bob Hope

Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.
~ Daniel Francois Esprit Auber

Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece?
~ Bobby Kelton

Looking fifty is great - if you’re sixty.
~Unknown Author

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m five I’ll be 64.
~Unknown Author

There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents ... and only one for birthday presents, you know.
~ Lewis Carroll

Age is a high price to pay for maturity.
~ Tom Stoppard

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was?
~ Satchel Paige funny birthday saying

Middle age is when your age starts to show around the middle.
~ Bob Hope

Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that’ll get you home earlier.
~Dan Bennett

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, 'Happy Birthday'. 
~Steven Wright

The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything.
~ Oscar Wilde

If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes.
~ Euripides

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
~ Mark Twain

Live as long as you may. The first twenty years are the longest half of your life.

~Unknown Author

The Best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. 
~ H. V. Prochnow

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. 
~ Jack Benny funny birthday saying

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.
~Sir Norman Wisdom

A well-adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, but even knows what she's going to exchange it for.
~Unknown Author

I never forget my wife's birthday. It's usually the day after she reminds me about it.
~unknown Author

Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed.
~Anthony Powell

Men grow old, pearls grow yellow, there is no cure for it
~Unknown Author


You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.
~ John P. Grier

Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.
~Unknown Author

Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.
~Unknown Author

To me, old age is always 20 years older than I am.
~unknown Author

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
~ Robert Frost

It is better to wear out than to rust out.
~ Bishop Richard Cumberland

The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.
~ Robert Orben

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.
~ John Glenn

When I have a birthday I take the day off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off.
~Unknown Author

If you live to the age of a hundred, you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred.
~George Burns funny birthday saying

A diplomatic husband said to his wife: How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?
~Unknown Author

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.
~Unknown Author

Birthdays are like busses, never the number you want.
~Unknown Author

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
~Erma Bombeck

Age is a number and mine is unlisted.
~Unknown Author

Getting old ain't for sissies.
~ Bette Davis

Of late I appear
To have reached that stage
When people who look old
Who are only my age.
~ Richard Armour

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
~Father Larry Lorenzoni

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
~ Phyllis Diller

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.
~Unknown Author

Men are like wine: some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.
~Unknown Author

If I'd known I was going to live this long (100 years), I'd have taken better care of myself.
~ Ubie Blake

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
~Unknown Author

There is still no cure for the common birthday
~John Glenn

Let us respect gray hairs, especially our own.
~ J. P. Sears

We turn not older with years, but newer every day.
~ Emily Dickinson

We are always the same age inside.
~ Gertrude Stein

Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
~Unknown Author

It takes a long time to become young.
~ Pablo Picasso

May you live all the days of your life.
~Jonathan Swift

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.
~ Cora Harvey Armstrong

Oh to be seventy again.
~ Georges Clemenceau

Birthdays! The one with the most wins!
~ Dane Peddigrew

Remember being twelve, hope to be ninety and live happily somewhere in between.
~Curtis D. Tucker

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. 
~Lucille Ball

You know you're getting older when you start looking forward to new episodes of the Weather Channel. 
~ Curtis D. Tucker

If you enjoyed these funny birthday sayings you might also like...

cute birthday sayings

happy birthday

over the hill sayings


New! Comments

Have your say about what you just read! Leave me a comment in the box below.


Go to: Sayings Plus Home>   Birthday Sayings>   Top of: Funny Birthday Sayings