Funny Birthday Sayings, Quotes, and Expressions

Don’t think of yourself as getting older.

You are, of course, but it’s best not to think about it! Happy Birthday!
~Unknown Author

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
~Bob Hope

Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.
~ Daniel Francois Esprit Auber

Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece?
~ Bobby Kelton

Looking fifty is great - if you’re sixty.
~Unknown Author

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m five I’ll be 64.
~Unknown Author

There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents ... and only one for birthday presents, you know.
~ Lewis Carroll

Age is a high price to pay for maturity.
~ Tom Stoppard

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was?
~ Satchel Paige funny birthday saying

Middle age is when your age starts to show around the middle.
~ Bob Hope

Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that’ll get you home earlier.
~Dan Bennett

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, 'Happy Birthday'. 
~Steven Wright

The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything.
~ Oscar Wilde

If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes.
~ Euripides

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
~ Mark Twain

Live as long as you may. The first twenty years are the longest half of your life.

~Unknown Author

The Best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. 
~ H. V. Prochnow

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. 
~ Jack Benny funny birthday saying

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.
~Sir Norman Wisdom

A well-adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, but even knows what she's going to exchange it for.
~Unknown Author

I never forget my wife's birthday. It's usually the day after she reminds me about it.
~unknown Author

Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed.
~Anthony Powell

Men grow old, pearls grow yellow, there is no cure for it
~Unknown Author

You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.
~ John P. Grier

Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.
~Unknown Author

Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.
~Unknown Author

To me, old age is always 20 years older than I am.
~unknown Author

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
~ Robert Frost

It is better to wear out than to rust out.
~ Bishop Richard Cumberland

The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.
~ Robert Orben

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.
~ John Glenn

When I have a birthday I take the day off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off.
~Unknown Author

If you live to the age of a hundred, you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred.
~George Burns funny birthday saying

A diplomatic husband said to his wife: How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?
~Unknown Author

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.
~Unknown Author

Birthdays are like busses, never the number you want.
~Unknown Author

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
~Erma Bombeck

Age is a number and mine is unlisted.
~Unknown Author

Getting old ain't for sissies.
~ Bette Davis

Of late I appear
To have reached that stage
When people who look old
Who are only my age.
~ Richard Armour

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
~Father Larry Lorenzoni

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
~ Phyllis Diller

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.
~Unknown Author

Men are like wine: some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.
~Unknown Author

If I'd known I was going to live this long (100 years), I'd have taken better care of myself.
~ Ubie Blake

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
~Unknown Author

There is still no cure for the common birthday
~John Glenn

Let us respect gray hairs, especially our own.
~ J. P. Sears

We turn not older with years, but newer every day.
~ Emily Dickinson

We are always the same age inside.
~ Gertrude Stein

Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
~Unknown Author

It takes a long time to become young.
~ Pablo Picasso

May you live all the days of your life.
~Jonathan Swift

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.
~ Cora Harvey Armstrong

Oh to be seventy again.
~ Georges Clemenceau

Birthdays! The one with the most wins!
~ Dane Peddigrew

Remember being twelve, hope to be ninety and live happily somewhere in between.
~Curtis D. Tucker

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. 
~Lucille Ball

You know you're getting older when you start looking forward to new episodes of the Weather Channel. 
~ Curtis D. Tucker

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