Funny New Years Quotes

Have a few laughs and ring in the new year with these funny new years quotes.

I know. I'm lazy. But I made myself a New Years resolution that I would write myself something really special. Which means I have 'til December, right? ~Catherine O'Hara

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right. ~Oprah Winfrey

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account. ~Oscar Wilde

I can't believe its been a whole year since I didn't become a better person. ~Unknown Author

I don't have a new years resolution. You don't need that crap when your perfect. ~Napolean Dynomite

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The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to. ~P.J. O'Rourke

People treat new years like some kind of life changing event. News Flash: If your life sucked last year it's propably going to suck again this year. ~Unknown Author

If you were born in September, its likely your parents started the new year with a BANG! ~Unknown Author

What can be said in New Year rhymes,

That's not been said a thousand times?

The new years come, the old years go,

We know we dream, we dream we know.

We rise up laughing with the light,

We lie down weeping with the night.

We hug the world until it stings,

We curse it then and sigh for wings.

We live, we love, we woo, we wed,

We wreathe our prides, we sheet our dead. 

We laugh, we weep, we hope, we fear,

And that's the burden of a year.

~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits.  ~Author Unknown

I do think New Year's resolutions can't technically be expected to begin on New Year's Day, don't you? Since, because it's an extension of New Year's Eve, smokers are already on a smoking roll and cannot be expected to stop abruptly on the stroke of midnight with so much nicotine in the system. Also dieting on New Year's Day isn't a good idea as you can't eat rationally but really need to be free to consume whatever is necessary, moment by moment, in order to ease your hangover. I think it would be much more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second. ~Helen Fielding

New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time. ~James Agate

New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.  ~Mark Twain

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An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. ~Bill Vaughan

He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; He who makes one is a fool. ~F.M. Knowles

It wouldn't be New Year's if I didn't have regrets. ~William Thomas

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year's resolution. ~Jay Leno

I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me. ~Anaïs Nin

Many years ago I resolved never to bother with New Year's resolutions, and I've stuck with it ever since.  ~Dave Beard

From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining.~Leonard Bernstein

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions.~Joey Adams

My new years resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask about my new years resolutions. ~Unknown Author

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Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish ill on anyone lightly. So let's just wish each other a bile less New Year and leave it at that. ~Judith Crist

The only way to spend New Year's Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears. ~W.H. Auden

To My Friends I wish you a happy new year with friends and joy...blah, blah, blah...Screw that I wish you lots of booze and sex.

New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions. ~Mark Twain

Lets kiss on New Years Eve like we have a chance at a future in the coming year. ~Unknown Author

Dear God, In the New Year I would like a fat bank account and a thin body...Oh, and please don't mix them up like you did last year. 

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